He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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