He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
