he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
