She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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