How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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