so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
