And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
