On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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