recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
