You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
