so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
even my farts smell like vagina
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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