Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
