he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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