Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
