kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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