You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
