i jhust puked up my retainher.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
