I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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