So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
