And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
