Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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