Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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