it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
