she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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