How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
