I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize