That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize