you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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