I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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