first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
