Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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