How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She needs sedatives and a leash
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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