never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
