worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize