I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
