smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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