This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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