I need help removing her.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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