end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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