i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
