No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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