Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
