Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
