I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wear drunk well.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
