Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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