she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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