How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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