Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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