sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
