piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
