On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
