i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
