What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize