The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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