My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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