Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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