If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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