Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's the barista slut.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
