dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
