Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
