i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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